The Signing That Almost Wasn't - Part II

Part II will also be my post for the Insecure Writer’s Support Group post. Keep reading. I promise it ties in. If you missed Part I and would like to read it, it’s here.

I continued driving and at one point thought I missed a turn. Glancing at the clock - 6:57pm - I started to panic but knew I was close to the bookstore. “Just keep going and hope for the best.” Maybe I could turn around up ahead. As I passed the library where I listened to Laurie Halse Anderson speak last year I realized that I hadn’t made a wrong turn after all. The bookstore was only a couple of blocks further. I found a parking space across from the store, and thanks to my weird but awesome ability to parallel park in one swipe, I entered Wellesley Books at 7:05pm. I quietly headed downstairs and around the corner to a small, cozy gathering. The organizer for the night's event had just finished speaking and Laini was introduced as I sat down in my seat (and said a silent ‘thank you’ inside).

There were maybe 40 people in attendance, mostly teens and young adults. Laini stood behind a table with a small podium on top. Three walls lined with books framed her – the perfect backdrop. Laini’s lovely smile and pink hair lit up the room as she talked about her new book, Daughter of Smoke and Bone, and how it came to be. She had been writing a novel and working on it a long time, but it wasn’t going well. (familiar) A new novel idea came into her head and she gave herself permission to cheat on the ms she had been working on for one day. (familiar) This new and intriguing story started pouring out as she wrote but it was important for her to complete the novel she was working on. So she went back to the former ms and finished writing it before continuing her new ms. (also familiar) The previous novel she told us, “never saw the light of day,” but she didn’t feel like it was a wasted effort. She went back to working on Daughter, turned the first 6 chapters in to her publisher (they loved it), and finished writing it.

Laini then read an exerpt from her novel. There’s something special, magical about listening to an author read from her own novel, and if you ever get the chance to go to an author event, I’d highly recommend it. The scene started out humorous but ended with an emotional ache that is written beautifully. I instantly fell in love with the MC, Karou, and I’m really looking forward to reading her story.

How does this tie in to the Insecure Writer’s Support Group? I mentioned in Part I that I really felt like I needed to get to this signing – to listen to a writer who has made it. I’ve been having some serious doubts about whether or not to continue with pursuing publication. I don’t think I could ever give up writing, but at this time in my life, actively working daily towards writing – blogging, commenting, finding time to write – is taking its toll on me. I suppose if I felt confident about my current ms, I could handle the exhausting schedule of daily life plus writing life; in other words, if I felt like I was making progress.

Did you notice all the times I wrote "familiar" up above? My experience with writing my ms is eerily similar to Laini’s. I’ve worked on my current ms for almost 2 years now. I started out strong but I’m losing my momentum and am having a lot of doubts about it. Last year, I took a break during Nanowrimo and started writing a YA that I was really excited about. However, I promised myself that this time I would finish a novel, the one I'm working on - Nitpicky. That’s where I am now, trying to finish it so that I can turn my attention back to the YA project. I can’t tell you how consoling it was to know that a struggling writer like me can share a similar experience with an incredibly talented author – and it’s okay.

(Laini and me)
After Laini’s presentation, we went upstairs to have our books signed. I thanked her for coming so far from home to speak to us (she’s from Oregon) and told her that I also write for teens. When I shared with her that sometimes I wonder if I had started too late in life to become an author for teens, she gave me some advice. I’d like to pass that along to all of you, especially if like me you’re in a stage of your life where you’re thinking it’s too late.

There are two perfect times to plant a tree. The first time was 20 years ago. The second time is now.

and don't forget: "Just keep going and hope for the best."

It's Only A First Draft Mantra

The Insecure Writer's Support Group is the brainchild of awesome author/blogger Alex J. Cavanaugh. From Alex's blog, the purpose of the IWSG is "to share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!"

I've mentioned before that I don't sign up for many blogfests, but this is one I wanted to participate in right away. Why? Because we all could use a little support now and then. And who understands the insecurities that writers face better than the writing community?

And so here's my contribution this month.

One of the writing ailments I suffered from when I first started writing 3 years ago was the need to make my first draft perfect. I agonized over every sentence, every adjective, every image, scene, dialogue exchange. And while there's nothing wrong with setting the bar high it slowed...my...writing...way...way...down. My first two novel attempts lead to frustration when I reached a point of no return in my first draft. Perfectionism wasn't the only contributor. There were other reasons they met an early demise - poor planning, no direction, plot jam after plot jam.

With the novel I'm working on now, a third attempt, I'm trying to let go and let it flow. Taking an idea and running with it. Not caring if it sounds crappy. Not stopping even when a voice in the back of my head whispers, "This rots, you know." Some days I can shut off that voice, but other days it paralyzes my writing because I start to believe it. First drafts are hard for me and I get down on myself for not being able to finish one yet. I've been working on my current ms for over a year now but I'm determined to finish it.

Some days when I'm in that zone - you know the one - when every word, sentence, scene comes pouring out faster than I can scribble it down, writing is a joy. The satisfaction that comes from being in that zone is why I write. But other days when scenes feel forced, sentences sound choppy, and my MC is bland and boring I need to remember that it's only a first draft. It doesn't have to be perfect. That's what revisions are for.

Training my brain not to focus on the suckiness of my ms is hard. But what I've learned is that it's normal. Every writer experiences this at some point, even the published authors we look up to. The first draft is supposed to be craptastic. And so when I find myself loathing every word I write and wondering if it's all worth it, I use this little mantra to settle myself down. I put down my pencil, take a deep breath, and say to myself...

It's only a first draft. It's only a first draft. It's only a first draft.

Are first drafts easy for you?

To visit other participants in the Insecure Writer's Support Group, click the above link to Alex's blog and scroll down.