I didn't want to post about this topic because it meant having to admit something that I've been avoiding.
I'm not writing.
I don't have writer's block, I just can't start.
Why, I'm not sure.
I'm hoping by the end of this post, I'll know. Right now there's an invisible shield between me and my notebook and I can't break through.
It's paralyzing and it scares me. What if I can't shake it off? Should I just give in and stop pretending that I'm writer?
Let me back up.
Before the holidays, during the fall, I wasn't writing because my brain was drained, so to speak. My days were filled with emotional stress and an exhausting schedule; usually until 9 or 10 at night. Sure, I could have squeezed in some writing time, minutes here and there, but the quality would have been crap and it would have meant sacrificing sleep -- that's one thing I can't afford to do. I need at least 6 hours to function as a good wife, mother, employee, friend. In fact, there were a couple of times that I sat down at the computer and literally fell asleep at the keyboard. Now that the holidays are over, there's no reason why I can't find time to write. Yes, my schedule is still tight, but the winter months are generally easier - not as many commitments. Emotionally, I'm in a much better place and so, I could write almost every day and make some real progress on my WiP. But I'm not.
My writer friends, and familar names around the blogs I follow, are making huge strides in the their journeys. They're finishing their first drafts, their nearing the end of revisions and almost ready to query. Some have been querying or are taking steps to self publish, and some have even signed with agents and are or will soon be submitting to publishers. I'm so proud of how far they've come and excited that they are closer to reaching their dream. But I feel like I'm not moving forward at all.
Did you ever have one of those dreams where you were running and running but couldn't move forward? I used to have those dreams as a kid and I'd wake up in a panic. That's how this "whatever it is" feels like.
Right now I'm stagnant. It would be easy to just let the writing slide but I know the longer I wait the harder it will be to go back. And I can't help feeling ashamed. All the advice, and it's good advice says, "Just write. If you want it bad enough you'll find a way to struggle through." All the pep talks in the world should motivate me. But I can't. Get. Past. Myself.
I'm not looking for an answer, a "there, there" pat on the back, or sympathy. One of the reasons I didn't post this sooner is because I didn't want to sound like a lazy, whiny wannabe writer looking for attention. And truthfully, I thought that I'd be able to pull myself out of this funk. I try to keep my blog light and upbeat but then I'd be pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm not there right now (in my writing life) and I'm worried.
I guess I'm blogging about this because I need to know if others are going through this too. How are you dealing with it? Have you been here? Did you give up or fight through?
My advice is the opposite to the 'just write' theory: I think that maybe you're trying too hard to write, and maybe you could just sit back and relax.
ReplyDeleteI have periods when I can't write especially when I've just finished a long MS (which I did last autumn). It's part of who you are, but it's also a process which takes a lot out of you. You need the time to refill your imagination. Then, eventually, those ideas will start creeping back in.
I hope this helps.
It's good to know that others have been there too. Thanks, Annalisa.
DeleteI feel your pain. I don't know that there's an answer, but I can tell you what I do. When the inspiration isn't there, I just don't write. It always comes back eventually. Or at least it has so far. I certainly hope it does for you!
ReplyDeleteI'm counting on that, Matt. Thanks.
DeleteI'd say, first off, you need to let yourself off the hook. Stop comparing yourself to other writers, and relax. I know the popular advise is to force yourself to write your way through a dry spot, but that's never been my choice. Writing can be tough, but I believe it should also be enjoyable. So for now, why not find another way to let the creative juices flow? The urge to write will come again in due time.
ReplyDeletecreativity is more like a gland than a machine.
Deletethe holidays were a blast of physical stress and you bravely rode through it at full gallop. now, get off your brain and let it wander aimlessly in the woods, while you sit by the creek and watch the water flow. trust that once you give yourself permission to breathe, drift, and regain your senses, you'll gather up your rested mount and both of you will be ready to move on.
oxygen.
Susan, I don't think I've been comparing myself to others. I'm truly happy for those who are moving forward and I feel like we all have our own personal journeys. I like what you said about writing being tough, but it should be enjoyable. I totally agree!
DeleteThanks snakey, this I have been doing. The stress/worry/exhaustion reached such a peak during November. So I guess this has been a recharging time for me. I didn't want to trust in that because of a niggling voice that whispers, "shouldn't you be writing?" As always, I learn so much from you. *squeeze*
I've gone through long stretches of not writing before. Some how I always come out of it eventually. Something will happen to get me pumped up again, or I'll just get a jolt to go do it. I am sure it won't last. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'm hoping for. Thanks for sharing your experience, Rachel.
DeleteI'd start in little chunks. Just promise yourself you'll write stream of conscience for say, 10 minutes or so ad day. Then up it to fifteen. Don't go back and read what you write, don't worry about it, just do it. The more you do, the more the thoughts will flow.
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely worth a try. Thanks for the advice, Liza.
DeleteBut you are writing, Suzie. You wrote this blog post. That's writing, too.
ReplyDeleteIf you can't bring yourself to write on your current WIP, how about some simple writing exercises--short things that can stir your creative juices but aren't a huge investment of time?
Good luck!
You're right, Donna. I do count these posts as writing. I'm not an off the top of my head blogger. I write, edit and rewrite posts long before I click "publish." I don't usually like writing exercises, however I have a plan to get me back on track and I think I'll be using an exercise to help me.
DeleteWriting is a habit. If you tail off, it is very difficult to get back into.
ReplyDeleteIs your heart really in it? Perhaps it is time to start asking some hard questions. You have talent, of that there is no doubt, but are you doing it because you love it, or doing it because you think you should?
I agree that writing is a habit, but I can't view it in that manner. Then it seems like a chore rather than something I enjoy. I understand that the process isn't always sunshine and daisies; it's hard, grueling (at times) work. I have no problem with that.
DeleteYou ask some good questions, Donna. My heart hasn't been in it, but because of external circumstances that took over my emotional state of mind. Writing wasn't the escape I craved during this time because it required extra energy - energy I frankly didn't have.
I would never write because I think I should. What would be the point? I have loved it. I will love it again, of that I'm sure.
Hunt a sense-inspiration. Whatever the setting of your wip... go to the real place (or as much like as possible). Use scent... what's it smell like where/when they are. What food or drink is integral to your lead character? Is there a tactile link? A smooth stone, brass railing, velvet pillow, flannel shirt? Just be for a while in the closest sense experience you connect with the story or characters. Can't hurt.
ReplyDeleteLove this. Part of the plan I alluded to in my response to Donna Weaver is to explore 3 of my characters before jumping into the novel. Your suggestions may be a fun way to bring them to life. Thank you, cloudie :)
Deleteooh, i love this, too!
DeleteBeen here plenty of times. Gave up. Began again. Fought through. Began... A-gain!
ReplyDeleteEven when outside stresses recede and we are again able to breathe, sometimes it takes awhile for our spleen to catch up. Stress can take a huge toll, especially in the inspiration department.
My suggestion, things that have worked for me, (because inevitably We All go through *dry* spells)...
*Take a walk, a hike, a full out run and often! Get your butt in gear, so your brain cells have a bit more oxygen to feed off of. Whether you grow icicles from your nose hairs in the dead of winter OR you grow penicillin in your lungs, breathing IN and OUT, motion is good for the body and the soul.
*I imagine you've heard meditation is a good thing. I know I did for years. I could never slow down my brain long enough to meditate on anything higher than the balance in my checkbook (pretty low). But, I'm here to tell ya, it works if you do it right. Only just discovered that. It helps me immensely, to move my body in a slow rhythmic motion, and beginning at the top of my head, imagining light gently warming and filling me all the way to my toes. That might be a good place to start.
*Writing Through has never worked for me, either. It just feels more like someone crouching over top of me... JUDGING. Could be just me though. *wink* Inspiration is all around us and can get your creative brain and fingers moving, simply by doing what, I think, comes naturally to most writers ~ observing.
When I'm feeling dry, in that spot, I first pour myself something yummy to drink, hot chocolate, a tall glass of wine, a Big Fat Coke, or something a bit healthier, an ice water with two lemons. Then I sit myself down in front of a movie, or a tv show, or the big slide at the park, or in the back of an elevator... pull my trusty notebook and favorite pen out of my purse, and begin.
Nothing (and I do mean nothing) spectacular comes of the gibberish I jot down there, but what does, are ideas. Lots of ideas. Ideas I never dreamed I even thought or cared to write about. And from those words, I am usually able to form sentences and paragraphs that mean something. If not, I start from the beginning, because that is always a very good place to start.
So, there's my two cents. Hope some of my gibberish has lit a spark. That is all you must do, after all, light a tiny little spark. Of course you have talent. If you didn't I would have moved on down the line to the next blog I came across and not looked back.
And here's that advice you aren't really looking for: Don't forget to be nice to the writer inside of you. Pet her, say nice things to her, feed her often, and she will write.
Love!
First, thank you Scarlett, for the time you put into your comment. I always find inspiration through nature and I think I need to use some outside time to help me recharge the brain and spark my imagination. It will tough to squeeze in the time, but perhaps on the weekends I can make it a priority. I do believe in taking care of myself. Love your last paragraph!
DeleteI'm in the same place with my writing, but it's just one of those things that I know will pass. Don't give it too much power over you. Keep telling yourself that once you get back to it, you'll be a super star and make up for lost time.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'm hoping for, Karen. Good luck with your writing. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteI was in this spot once so I asked an author friend for advice since she was under contract with her publisher. She said to just write one scene, any scene. it could be from the middle or it could be the climax, or maybe the inciting event. Just sit down and envision it and get it down. Well, I did that and it sparked the the flow I needed. Ideas started coming at me at light speed. Now, I don't know if I'll keep that scene, but it was a place to start. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWhen I get like this, I just write, even if its only a page, even if it totally sucks. And I dont always write in order of scene.
ReplyDeleteI've definitely been there--sometimes writing is just plain work. I've found if I force myself to sit down and write something--anything--I start to get into the groove.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!