I'm So Not Posting an Image of This Topic

And that would be because it’s something that I’m deathly afraid of. Don't laugh. I don't admit this to everyone. In fact, I think only my family knows this about me. So what am I deathly afraid of?

Zombies.

I can’t look at ‘em, can’t watch ‘em, can’t read about them. They creep me out something fierce and scare the living bejeebies out of me [though what bejeebies are exactly, I’m not quite sure. (Okay, I just looked it up. Urban dictionary definition? Um, ew.)]

But can you blame me? I mean what redeeming qualities do zombies actually have?

Are they friendly?
Do they really have to eat brains and intestines? What’s the point? How ‘bout a cheeseburger and some fries?
Why do they have to leave their tombs anyway?
And what about dropping body parts? What’s up with that?

Okay, maybe they have one good quality. They can dance. Have you ever seen Michael Jackson’s Thriller video? Wicked!

As I was growing up, I never really thought about zombies. I wasn’t even aware of them, really, until I was older – maybe 19 or 20. One late night while out with friends, we were confronted by a hungry, angry mob of the undead. Well, not actual zombies, but I was out with friends and I wasn’t driving that night, which becomes important in this little anecdote. My friends and I had a conversation that went something like this:

*Greg: Hey, there’s a midnight showing of Dawn of the Dead at the movies. Let’s go watch it.
Me: Uh....
*Jack: Yeah. That movie’s hilarious!
Me: Uh...*nudges Dana and shakes head back and forth*
Greg: C’mon it’ll be fun!
Me: I don’t really think I want to see it.
*Dana: I don’t really want to go home.
Jack: Okay, we’re going. Besides, I’m driving. *backseat grumbling sounds*
Me: Maybe there’s another movie playing at the same time. *trying not to whimper*

We arrive at the movies. Dawn of the Dead is the only midnight show. I swallow hard, buy a ticket with everyone else, and find a seat.

Greg: I’ve seen this loads of times and it gets funnier every time.
Me: *squints and covers eyes with fingers slightly parted*

Opening scene in which there’s some sort of battle between soldiers(?) and zombies. The blood and body parts are flying.

Me: *in panicked stage whisper* Jack! Jack! I want your car keys...NOW! *wimps out and waits in the car until the movie ends. Dana joins me about 15 minutes later.*

*The names have been changed to protect their sorry butts identities.

And because of that experience I’ve been freaked out by the walking undead ever since. True story.

That’s not to say that I can’t appreciate zombie related entertainment. I mentioned the line dancing zombies of Thriller, I’ve heard there’s some fabulous zombie literature such as The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan (though I’ll be honest and tell you I will never read it; just can’t do it). My son blasts zombies away while playing Call of Duty and I can actually watch him play - except for the close up shots - without squinting or peeking through my eyes, though the music creeps me out. And how do you actually kill a zombie if he’s technically already dead?

No, don’t tell me. I really don’t think I want to know.

Do you hold affectionate feelings toward the undead or do they give you the woollies?